All of human history on the head of a pin…or a pinhead, I forget which

Someone asked me why I write such angry things about Christians. I’ll answer here, so everyone can point and laugh in one convenient location.

I don’t have a problem with Christians. I don’t really care about them. They never cross my mind, honestly, you know, with the exception of the times when one of them says something profoundly idiotic, which is just about every four seconds.

But really, if you want to pray to JESUS and believe you will go clear brush on JESUS’ big ranch in the sky when you die, that’s your business. It doesn’t affect me. What does affect me is when these Christians presume to dictate how the rest of us decidedly non-Christians will live. Which laws we will be saddled with.

If good Christian Jane Doe’s neighbor knocked on her door and said, “Hi Janey, a few of us have decided that all the mailboxes on the block should be red. You have to paint yours by tomorrow.” Jane would say, “What the fuck are you talking about? Get out of my yard.” And rightly so.

Why? Well, it’s no one else’s business what color your mailbox is, is it? Yet in an overwhelming huge break with reality, many Christians conspire to legislate things such as marriage and abortion – things that are, of course, none of their damn business. And a shade more significant that the color of their mailboxes.

So what kind of things are the good Christians interested in? Oh, such things as abstinence-only education (for an example of the effectiveness of this approach, please see knocked up teen Bristol Palin, daughter of the former Republican vice presidential nominee).

They oppose same-sex marriage, and in some states are actually attempting to pass constitutional amendments to deny health benefits to same-sex couples, they reject science and support teaching creationism (or “intelligent design,” which is nothing more than creationism wrapped up in a different bow) in public schools, and the vast majority of them are what they call “pro-life.”

That last one is important, so let’s stop here for a minute.

The term “pro-life” is a cynical deflection. People who claim to be “pro-life” are actually “anti-abortion.” Their stance and beliefs in the sanctity of life end quite abruptly as soon as a baby is born. They could not care less what sort of life the precious babies are born into, their mission is just to make sure they are born.

“What is the point of that kind of stance?” you might ask. “It makes no logical sense!” Well you see, it’s a “moral” stance. Which they have every right to take – in their own homes and families. They have absolutely no right, however, to impose that “moral” stance onto anyone else. And that is the crux of the problem with attempting to control what your neighbors do regarding what are absolutely personal decisions.

Christians spend an inordinate amount of time fretting over who or what you stick your dick into, or spread your legs for. Why do you suppose that is? You might think it is a puritanical streak that goes back hundreds of years. But you would be wrong.

You would be wrong because Christians are actively engaged in every one of the activities that fill them with such concern and moral outrage! That’s right, every last one of them, even the really creepy ones. Can you imagine that?

Yes, there are two Christian men in a motel room somewhere right now, doing all that icky gay stuff that they would almost certainly vote to ban, should such a vote be held. There is a Christian woman somewhere fucking her married boss, or getting an abortion (as a result of fucking her married boss). Somewhere, within a few miles of where you are sitting right now perhaps, there is a pillar-of-his-community Christian man wearing a leather hood, stripper heels and a maid’s uniform, strapped to a wall, having his asshole and testicles electrically shocked by a transsexual dwarf. Seriously. You can probably see it on YouTube.

Which brings me to what is really my main complaint with these types, and that is that they are hypocrites. Big steaming turd piles of hypocrisy, they be!

So why do they continue to try to regulate, legislate and ban the very behaviors that they too engage in? Could it be guilt? Maybe. But it’s really something much more juvenile and pointless.

Peer pressure.

This is most clearly evident in politicians. Any politician. Pick one. They work to pass two kinds of laws; those that will enrich them personally, and those that will pander to what they see as the majority of people who vote in their districts. But it is also evident in regular human life as well. pressure to attend church services, to conform in thought and action. “Well Bill, don’t tell me you’re in favor of fags getting married?!” “Uh, well, no…I…uh…of course not…”

A lot of bad decisions are made on account of peer pressure though, so don’t feel too bad, all of you unenthusiastic Christians. You are not alone. Just remember, once you are inside the voting booth, your nosy fucking neighbors can’t see what you’re doing. So ignore those voices in your head and do what you know is right as far as human rights are concerned. You remember what human rights are, don’t ya?

But the dark clouds may pass and reason may rule in the end, boys and girls.

A survey published earlier this year and cited in a CNN article found that America is a less Christian nation than it was 20 years ago, and Christianity is not losing out to other religions, but primarily to a rejection of religion altogether:

The percentage of Americans identifying themselves as Christian has fallen more than ten percent over the past two decades. Seventy-five percent of Americans call themselves Christian now, according to the American Religious Identification Survey from Trinity College in Hartford, Connecticut, but in 1990, the figure was 86 percent. At the same time there has been an increase in the number of people expressing no religious affiliation.

The survey also found that “born-again” or “evangelical” Christianity is on the rise, while the percentage who belong to “mainline” congregations such as the Episcopal or Lutheran churches has fallen. One in three Americans consider themselves evangelical, and the number of people associated with mega-churches has skyrocketed from less than 200,000 in 1990 to more than 8 million in the latest survey.

The rise in evangelical Christianity is contributing to the rejection of religion altogether by some Americans, said Mark Silk of Trinity College. “In the 1990s, it really sunk in on the American public generally that there was a long-lasting ‘religious right’ connected to a political party, and that turned a lot of people the other way,” he said of the link between the Republican Party and groups such as the Moral Majority and Focus on the Family.

“In an earlier time, people who would have been content to say, ‘Well, I’m some kind of a Protestant,’ now say ‘Hell no, I won’t go,'” he told CNN. Silk also said the revelation that some Catholic priests had sexually abused children — and senior figures in the church hierarchy had helped to hide it — drove some Catholics away from religion.

In the survey, one in five Americans said they have no religious identity or did not answer the question, and more than one in four said they do not expect to have a religious funeral. The rise in what the survey authors call “nones” is the only trend reflected in every single state in the study, Silk said. “We don’t see anything else in the survey that is nationwide,” he told CNN.

The survey polled 54,461 Americans between February and November of last year. Pollsters conducted the research in both English and Spanish.

The only road toward peace is the road away from religion. That has never been clearer than it is now. Oh, and I know it’s not your religion that is an evil death cult. Of course not. But if you are stepping on anyone’s toes you should really take a good look at what you stand for, and ask yourself if you want to be part of an oppressive social group. Remember the first law of physics, kids.

Around the world, more affluent countries have a lower percentage of people who identify as religious. Countries with a lot of poverty and suffering are much more religious. So as long as we don’t have complete economic collapse here, we may eventually become a reasonable and non-religious country.

Just in time for the Islamic billions to flow in and burn us in our heathen, non-Islamic beds (sadly there are too many of us for the traditional death of beheading to be effective).

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