Harry Potter, I’m coming to kick your ass!

Way back in the olden days (January of 1995) I signed a fancy looking contract with Mother Road Publications for a book of poems and short stories. It was a long and drawn out birth (as these things usually are in the small press) but finally, in April of 1997, alternative man appeared. It was my first book and I was pretty excited about it. When the first 5 or 10 copies came in the mail I opened one of them and smelled it. “Yeah, that smells like a real book,” I thought. Hey, you do weird things when it’s yours.

The Land of the Lost, without the Sleestaks

Well, this is pretty cool; youvebeenleftbehind.com. In a nutshell, this guy, Mark Heard, is running a service that will contact your loved ones for you, via email, after the “rapture.” The rapture, in case you didn’t know, is when JESUS comes and takes all the boys and girls who have behaved and eaten their vegetables up to heaven to prance around forever in white robes and watch the rest of us suffer an eternity under the thumb of the beast SATAN (don’t know what that means? Imagine you’re the guy in Apocalypto who’s being chased, only instead of running for a day or two, you have to run forever and the guys who are chasing you keep shooting you with arrows and spears and you’re bleeding and stumbling and you can’t breathe, and all the time this is happening your wife and kids are drowning in a pit full of wet howler monkeys she had to beat to death with a stick, and you can’t get to them to help – I think it’s kind of like that – forever).