It’s in the water

living in Los Angeles I have the opportunity to come across unique and distinctive individuals every day. yesterday I happened to cross paths with two extraordinary examples.

Randomness, chaos and deliverance

well, I just got my dog’s ear cleaning medicine in my eye (don’t ask), and while I was attempting to recover from that unfortunate incident with a wet rag to the eye, a “slow speed chase” went right by the house. not especially noteworthy, I realize, but it didn’t happen to any of you today, so I thought it worth putting here.

Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?

if you’ve ever been fired you’ll never forget the feeling you get in your gut when you walk into the bosses office and see that final paycheck face down on the desk. hearing the obligatory, “I’m sorry,” or “i hate to do this,” is no different than hearing “fuck you,” or “go off and die now, we don’t care about you anymore.”

Imitation is the sincerest form of unoriginality

I was flipping through Art in America magazine and came across an article about a show that Carol recently commented on, Timothy Greenfield-Sanders’ “XXX: 30 Porn Star Portraits.” in the article Greenfield-Sanders claims that he was inspired by Goya’s La Maja Vestida and La Maja Desnuda to make pictures of porn “stars” fully clothed, and then in the same pose, completely naked.

You got a TV…I got a TV…we all got TV’s…

Carol called a local TV repair joint to have them come look at our 21″ Panasonic that has developed a severe case of the unwatchable squigglies. the guy called back and left a message – barely containing his laughter – informing us that our television is “a throwaway model.”

Hitler painted roses

I conducted a poll today as I drove through the intersection of La Cienega and Pico at about 6pm. there were a couple dozen people on the corners waving flags and holding up signs that said, “HONK FOR PEACE!”

Counselor

On the typewriter in front of Thompson was a page bearing letterhead reading “Fourth Amendment Foundation”. Upon this page, centered near the top was typed “Feb 22 ’05”, and the page contained only one word, “counselor”.

Patience is a virtue, but resignation is for suckers

I sent a guy named bryan hutcheson 250 copies of my “still no sign of Osama bin Laden” poem for an Iraqi war-inspired “peace card set” two years and three months ago, and the set never materialized.

Should have taken mom up on those violin lessons

Tara Burghart writes for Associated Press; A bus driver for the Dave Matthews Band pleaded guilty Wednesday to charges stemming from the dumping of 800 pounds of human waste from his vehicle’s septic tank onto a sightseeing boat on the Chicago River.

Last night a dj saved my life! Yeah, maaaaan!

I know a couple of people who “dj,” one of them quite successfully in Hollywood, but I’ve gotta say, man, what the hell is that? playing records. that’s what it is. to elevate a dj to anything more is borderline insanity. it’s like saying the person who hangs the paintings up in a gallery is an artist, or someone who decides which 6 movies HBO will show all year is a filmmaker.

Come back, bastard!

well, this is the funniest damn thing I’ve seen today (the news-department-serious caption is what’s really funny).

The demons begged Jesus, “If you drive us out, send us into the herd of pigs.”

In a move of disappointing and confounding stupidity, recklessness, cowardice and avarice the FreeBSD team has announced a competition to design a new logo/mascot to replace the FreeBSD demon/daemon.

Death wants more death

be careful when you use Google to check up on an old friend. sometimes you can get some fucked up results:

If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all

David Johansen and Syl Sylvain are *not* the New York Dolls. so why do I keep reading about a “New York Dolls” reunion? that’s like saying, “Come on all you old hippies! We’re going to have a BEATLES reunion!” it would kind of suck, wouldn’t it, without John Lennon and George Harrison. well, that’s what the fops and dandies promoting the Dolls reunion are offering you. a half-assed approximation of the real thing.

Almost cut my hair, it happened just the other day

every day on my way into town on the 110 freeway I see a billboard for some minivan with the tag line, HAUL MASS, and the very next billboard, no more than a few hundred yards further down the road is an ad for a showtime cable series that says, GET FOLKED in fifteen foot high letters.