Kennedy to John Lydon; “Oh, lighten up!”

Carol bought me this stand-up desk that I’ve been wanting for about seven years, ever since I worked at the first web hosting company and the 12 hour days on my ass in the office chair started to drive me insane.

It’s beautiful man – standing here typing. But I find it harder to concentrate. I haven’t done any real work here yet. Though I’ve only had it for a week or so.

They say some great thinkers worked standing up, but I doubt if they did it for the same reasons I am. I rarely have much in common with great thinkers of any age. I can’t even type without looking at the keyboard, and all my php code (and my poetry) is patched together hunks from here and there with the odd dash of original thought.

And speaking of thought, I thought I knew how to build databases until I started reading this book written by someone who really knows how to build databases. Now I realize that I don’t know anything at all, which is troublesome, seeing that I recently conned the third web hosting company into giving me a development job. If I can fake my way through this I may – almost – be able to pay the rent.

But I’ve been able to fake my way through many tech jobs, so this shouldn’t be any different. Note to all of you out there who think that the people running all this Internet shit are geniuses: well, some of them are. But most of them are just like you. You can do it too. Read a book, rework your resume – bang – you’re in. I was a printer for christ’s sake. If I can do it, you have no excuse.

But yes, original thought. Saw someone give a reading the other night, and this guy is all original thought. He’s a big damn blister of original thought that spews out genius from whichever direction you push on him. His name is Joe Frank, and unless you are from LA or an NPR hippie you’ve never heard of him, but you should. Go deh! Listen. You can thank me later.

Which leads me to the greatest new invention – one that the world’s great thinkers never came up with. Through these 100,000 years of human development no one thought of this until now. And it took Swedes to dream it up, which should make the rest of us ashamed. What is this groundbreaking gift to humanity?


Why, Peppar vodka, of course. Brought to you by the brilliant forward thinkers at ABSOLUT, a hellish brew that is akin to swallowing boiling oil. I love it. Why is it so hard to find? Send all your spare bottles of ABSOLUT PEPPAR to Michael Phillips, p.o. box 1030, San Pedro, CA 90733. PO Box 542, Monterey Park, CA 91754.

And come to think of it, Swedes built this desk I’m standing at too. I grew up in a very Swedish and Norwegian place, and it’s good those sons of bitches know how to build things, because otherwise they’d just sit around staring at each other without blinking for weeks on end.

Okay, that’s enough. That’s more than enough.

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