Should have taken mom up on those violin lessons

Tara Burghart writes for Associated Press;

A bus driver for the Dave Matthews Band pleaded guilty Wednesday to charges stemming from the dumping of 800 pounds of human waste from his vehicle’s septic tank onto a sightseeing boat on the Chicago River.

The waste poured onto the open deck of the Chicago’s Little Lady tour boat, which was passing below with more than 100 passengers. The boat immediately returned to its dock and was disinfected. The Chicago Architectural Foundation, which operates the tour, offered refunds to the passengers.

Now that’s pretty disgusting, but it’s not the most disgusting part of the story, oh no. It goes on;

Authorities said that on Aug. 8, when Wohl (the driver) was alone in a bus used by band violinist Boyd Tinsley, he emptied the septic tank while driving across the open grating deck of the Kinzie Street bridge.

Let the full heinous repugnance of that sit and percolate for a moment. Yes, the VIOLIN PLAYER for the Dave Matthews Band has HIS OWN BUS.

Obviously that is far more disturbing than 100 people on a corporate dinner party cruise being doused in shit. Because really, if you’re “sightseeing” on the Chicago river, don’t you kind of expect to wind up covered in shit?

But think about the violin player for the Dave Matthews Band riding around on his own tour bus. If that doesn’t make your blood run cold, nothing will.

The RAMONES start a musical revolution and wind up touring the country for 25 years in an Econoline van, while the violin player for the Dave Matthews Band has his own tour bus. Substitute your favorite unappreciated artist for the Ramones in that equation. I realize most of you have no idea who that is.

Man, this is something else. What a guy, this Boyd Tinsley. What a prince he must be. How important and special. If I ever see him I will bow down before him, because obviously this is one remarkable motherfucker. Honestly. I am speechless.

Of course the unanswered question in all of this is obviously, how does one guy produce 800 pounds of shit?

Sorry for all the italics and ALL CAPS WORDS, but I think this might be the most unbelievable story of the millennium. Really.

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